“We are only triggered when we see in others what was rejected or not allowed inside ourselves.” -Dr. Becky Kennedy
Heal the Childhood Wounds That Interfere With the Parent You Want to Be
You may know exactly how you want to show up with your child - patient, connected, steady, and loving - but still find yourself reacting in ways that surprise you. Maybe you snap quickly, shut down during conflict, feel flooded by your child's emotions, or carry guilt after hard parenting moments.
These patterns are often deeper than stress alone. For many parents, unresolved childhood trauma and attachment wounds can interfere with emotion regulation, nervous system safety, and the ability to respond the way they want to in the moment.
As a trauma-informed therapist trained in EMDR, I help parents understand the roots of these reactions with compassion, not shame. Therapy can help you make sense of your triggers, process the experiences that shaped them, and build a more grounded, connected way of parenting.
It is never too late to create healthier patterns as a parent and EMDR is a great resource in that process of healing and change.
Parenting may be activating old survival patterns
If you grew up with inconsistency, criticism, emotional neglect, chaos, fear, or having to care for others too early, parenting can stir up old patterns of protection. You may notice:
Anger that rises fast
Shame after reacting
Emotional shutdown or numbness
Feeling helpless when your child is distressed
Difficulty staying calm during whining, crying, or conflict
A painful gap between your parenting values and your actual reactions
These are often signs of nervous system dysregulation, not personal failure.
How EMDR and trauma-informed therapy can help
Therapy can help you:
Understand how attachment wounds affect your parenting
Recognize triggers before they take over
Improve emotion regulation
Process childhood trauma experiences that still feel activated
Reduce shame and self-blame
Respond with more choice, steadiness, and connection
Healing does not mean becoming a perfect parent. It means no longer parenting from survival mode.
Raising a child is one of the most difficult and beautiful experiences in life. For those of us raised in abusive or dysfunctional families, parenting can be tremendously triggering. In my own experience, the newborn phase was a nightmare because each cry made me feel inadequate and out of control. Then, the toddler stage made me keenly aware that I still had work to do in my own therapy. What I now know that I didn’t early on in motherhood was that much of my own childhood trauma and PTSD from being raised with an angry alcoholic parent was activated any time my child was experiencing overstimulation and overwhelm. I had to learn how to regulate my own emotions, in order to be able to show up and be present for my child. Resources like EMDR, guided meditation, breathing exercises, prayer, and self-compassion have transformed and continue to be a lifeline for me as I raise my child.
If you find yourself stressed out, tired, and triggered by your past trauma as you are parenting, please reach out to me today. Let me be the voice that is cheering you on, and reminding you to be gentle with yourself. While it might all feel like too much right now, you do not have to find your way through this season on your own.
Being shamed as a child was not helpful for my self-worth, and in many ways fed anxious thoughts and depression. I am a huge fan, and reference Dr. Becky Kennedy often, and her philosophy around parenting. There are no bad kids. Each child is trying to make sense of the world, and on any given day may have no idea how to express their thoughts or feelings.
Just like the rest of us, when kids are hungry, angry, lonely, tired, bored or stressed, they do not have the capacity to show up and be the best version of themselves (no matter what age). Yelling at them to just, “Calm down,” doesn’t work. I walk alongside parents inviting them into how to first learn to care for themselves, because no one can pour from an empty cup. It is no one else’s job to take care of you BUT you.
Co-parenting, even for the strongest couples can be tough to navigate. Rarely do we raise kids with people that were raised in the exact same way we were. It might be time for you to have an objective third party, who is able to assist you in hearing each other. The best possible outcome for your children is to have parents that are aligned and sturdy leaders. I am willing to provide compassionate and honest feedback and guidance for you.