How to Cope With Holiday Stress When a Loved One Has a Drinking or Drug Problem: A Self-Care Guide
The holidays are often portrayed as a time filled with joy, celebration, and connection. But if you love someone who struggles with drinking or drug use, this season may bring something very different: tension, anxiety, fear, and emotional exhaustion.
As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I work closely with adults, parents and couples in this situation, and I want you to know:
Your stress is real, your feelings are valid, and your self-care matters—especially during the holiday season.
If you’re searching for ways to cope with holiday stress while supporting a loved one with addiction or substance use issues, this guide will help you protect your mental health without burning yourself out.
1. Recognize the Emotional Toll of Loving Someone With an Addiction
Holiday stress increases significantly when you’re unsure how a loved one will behave. You may find yourself:
Anticipating drinking or drug use at gatherings
Worrying about arguments or embarrassment
Trying to “hold everything together”
Feeling physically tense or emotionally overwhelmed
This state of hypervigilance is a common response when someone you care about has a substance use problem.
Start with self-validation:
“This is emotionally heavy, and it makes sense that I’m feeling stressed.”
Acknowledging your experience is a crucial step toward healthier coping.
2. Remember: You Are Not Responsible for Their Drinking or Drug Use
One of the biggest sources of holiday stress is the pressure to manage someone else’s behavior. You might feel responsible for:
Preventing them from drinking
Minimizing conflict
Protecting children or family members
Covering for their behavior
Creating the “perfect holiday”
But it’s not your job to control their substance use.
A helpful boundary to repeat:
“I can only control my choices, not their drinking or drug use.”
This mindset reduces guilt and allows you to focus on your own wellbeing.
3. Set Healthy Boundaries Before Holiday Events
Setting boundaries is one of the most effective ways to manage holiday stress when a loved one misuses alcohol or drugs. Before events, ask yourself:
How long do I want to stay?
Do I want to drive separately so I can leave if needed?
What behaviors feel unsafe or unacceptable to me?
What is my plan if those boundaries are crossed?
Is it okay for me to decline certain gatherings altogether?
A boundary might be:
“If drinking becomes excessive, I will leave the event.”
You don’t need approval from others. What matters is protecting your own mental health.
4. Make Space for Your Own Holiday Experience
Loving someone with a substance use issue often means your focus shifts entirely to them. This holiday season, give yourself permission to ask:
What do I want and need?
How do I want to feel?
What small rituals help me feel grounded or joyful?
This may look like:
A quiet morning alone with coffee
Time with people who feel safe
Attending fewer events
Taking walks or journaling
Creating meaningful moments that belong to you
Your holidays don’t have to revolve around someone else’s addiction.
5. Avoid the Trap of Over-Functioning
Many adults cope with stress by “doing more”: cooking, hosting, buying gifts, and trying to create a perfect holiday for everyone else.
But over-functioning leads to burnout—fast.
This season, remind yourself:
“It’s not my job to make everyone comfortable at the expense of myself.”
Simplifying expectations is not failure; it’s healthy.
6. Seek Support—You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Feeling isolated is common for people who love someone with a drinking or drug problem—especially during the holidays when others seem joyful and carefree.
Support matters. Consider these options (maybe more than one):
Therapy
Al-Anon or SMART Family & Friends
Talking openly with a trusted friend
Joining online support communities for families affected by addiction
Reaching out isn’t a betrayal of your loved one. It’s a lifeline for you.
7. Release Unrealistic Holiday Expectations
When you have a loved one with a substance use disorder, you may grieve the holiday season you wish you could have. It’s okay to acknowledge that grief.
Letting go of expectations creates room for a more grounded and authentic holiday—one that honors your reality and your emotional needs.
Final Thoughts: Your Well-Being Matters, Too
Supporting someone with a drinking or drug problem during the holidays can be incredibly emotionally draining. But you deserve care, rest, boundaries, and connection just as much as anyone else.
This season, allow yourself to:
Protect your peace
Step away when needed
Set limits
Prioritize your mental health
Ask for help
Let go of guilt
You cannot control someone else’s addiction—but you can nurture your own wellbeing.
About the Author
Reagan Glover, MS, LMFT is uniquely qualified to support friends and family members of alcoholics and addicts. She has been licensed for over 12 years and grew up in the chaos of an alcoholic family. The experience, strength and hope of her Alanon program is something that she offers along with her years in the field to teens, adults, parents and couples. If you are looking for a therapist in Scotts Valley, Aptos or via telehealth in California, reach out to her via her website today: www.reaganglovermft.com
