Why Prioritizing Healing from Past Trauma Is the Most Powerful New Year’s Resolution
New Year’s resolutions often focus on productivity, weight loss, or breaking habits. While these goals can be meaningful, there is one powerful resolution that can transform every area of your life: prioritizing healing from past trauma and emotional wounds.
Trauma—whether from childhood, past relationships, or significant life events—shapes the way we think, feel, and relate to the people we love. And yet, many adults move through life without recognizing how unresolved pain continues to influence their emotional health, relationships, and sense of self-worth.
This year, consider making healing—not staying stuck in old patterns—your priority.
Why Healing Trauma Matters in the New Year
1. Unresolved Trauma Shapes Your Present Living
Many of the behaviors people want to “fix” in January—stress reactivity, emotional shutdown, people-pleasing, overworking, difficulty trusting—are actually survival strategies rooted in past wounds, whether or not someone knows it.
When you address the root cause, meaningful change becomes sustainable.
2. Healing Creates Stronger, Healthier Relationships
As a therapist, I see how trauma impacts attachment, communication, and boundaries. When you begin healing, you become more grounded and more connected both with yourself and others. This benefits romantic relationships, parenting, friendships, and even professional dynamics.
3. Your Nervous System Needs a Reset
Chronic stress and unresolved trauma keep the nervous system on high alert. The New Year is an ideal time to practice regulation skills—like breathwork, mindfulness, movement, and therapy—that begin to shift you from survival mode to safety and more peaceful living.
4. Healing Supports Your Overall Well-Being
Emotional healing is directly linked to improved mental health, decreased anxiety, increased resilience, and healthier lifestyle choices. Prioritizing trauma recovery is not just an emotional decision; it is a holistic wellness commitment.
How to Make Trauma Healing Your New Year’s Resolution
1. Start With Self-Awareness
Reflect on patterns that keep showing up:
Do you shut down during conflict?
Overextend yourself to avoid disappointing others?
Feel easily triggered during stress?
Carry unresolved guilt, shame, or grief?
Awareness is the doorway to change.
2. Get Specific and Intentional
Instead of making vague goals, choose specific healing-centered intentions such as:
“I will learn emotional regulation tools.”
“I will work on healing my attachment wounds.”
“I will work with a therapist to explore my trauma history.”
“I will stop abandoning my own needs.”
Intentions guide your energy and help you stay compassionate with yourself.
3. Seek Therapy or Trauma-Informed Support
Healing from trauma doesn’t happen through willpower alone. A trained therapist can help you understand your nervous system, process old wounds safely, and build tools for emotional stability.
4. Practice Consistent Self-Care That Supports Regulation
Self-care related to trauma is different from pampering. It includes:
Setting boundaries
Honoring your emotional limits
Rest and recovery
Connecting with safe people
Grounding and mindfulness practices
These habits strengthen your capacity to heal.
5. Create Space for Restorative Practices
Trauma healing requires slowness. Try integrating:
Journaling
Somatic exercises
Gentle movement
Breathwork
Time in nature
Consistency brings transformation.
A Compassionate Reminder as You Enter the New Year
Healing is not linear. You don’t need to “fix” everything at once. What matters is that you begin listening to the parts of you that have long been ignored or silenced. Prioritizing trauma healing as your New Year’s resolution isn’t self-indulgent—it’s foundational. It supports your mental health, strengthens your relationships, and helps you step into the year with more clarity and peace.
About the Author
Reagan Glover, LMFT, provides both individual and couple’s therapy in Scotts Valley, Aptos and throughout California (via telehealth). If you are ready to commit to your healing and therapy in the new year, reach out via www.reaganglovermft.com and learn more about getting started with Reagan.
How to Cope With Holiday Stress When a Loved One Has a Drinking or Drug Problem: A Self-Care Guide
The holidays are often portrayed as a time filled with joy, celebration, and connection. But if you love someone who struggles with drinking or drug use, this season may bring something very different: tension, anxiety, fear, and emotional exhaustion.
As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I work closely with adults, parents and couples in this situation, and I want you to know:
Your stress is real, your feelings are valid, and your self-care matters—especially during the holiday season.
If you’re searching for ways to cope with holiday stress while supporting a loved one with addiction or substance use issues, this guide will help you protect your mental health without burning yourself out.
1. Recognize the Emotional Toll of Loving Someone With an Addiction
Holiday stress increases significantly when you’re unsure how a loved one will behave. You may find yourself:
Anticipating drinking or drug use at gatherings
Worrying about arguments or embarrassment
Trying to “hold everything together”
Feeling physically tense or emotionally overwhelmed
This state of hypervigilance is a common response when someone you care about has a substance use problem.
Start with self-validation:
“This is emotionally heavy, and it makes sense that I’m feeling stressed.”
Acknowledging your experience is a crucial step toward healthier coping.
2. Remember: You Are Not Responsible for Their Drinking or Drug Use
One of the biggest sources of holiday stress is the pressure to manage someone else’s behavior. You might feel responsible for:
Preventing them from drinking
Minimizing conflict
Protecting children or family members
Covering for their behavior
Creating the “perfect holiday”
But it’s not your job to control their substance use.
A helpful boundary to repeat:
“I can only control my choices, not their drinking or drug use.”
This mindset reduces guilt and allows you to focus on your own wellbeing.
3. Set Healthy Boundaries Before Holiday Events
Setting boundaries is one of the most effective ways to manage holiday stress when a loved one misuses alcohol or drugs. Before events, ask yourself:
How long do I want to stay?
Do I want to drive separately so I can leave if needed?
What behaviors feel unsafe or unacceptable to me?
What is my plan if those boundaries are crossed?
Is it okay for me to decline certain gatherings altogether?
A boundary might be:
“If drinking becomes excessive, I will leave the event.”
You don’t need approval from others. What matters is protecting your own mental health.
4. Make Space for Your Own Holiday Experience
Loving someone with a substance use issue often means your focus shifts entirely to them. This holiday season, give yourself permission to ask:
What do I want and need?
How do I want to feel?
What small rituals help me feel grounded or joyful?
This may look like:
A quiet morning alone with coffee
Time with people who feel safe
Attending fewer events
Taking walks or journaling
Creating meaningful moments that belong to you
Your holidays don’t have to revolve around someone else’s addiction.
5. Avoid the Trap of Over-Functioning
Many adults cope with stress by “doing more”: cooking, hosting, buying gifts, and trying to create a perfect holiday for everyone else.
But over-functioning leads to burnout—fast.
This season, remind yourself:
“It’s not my job to make everyone comfortable at the expense of myself.”
Simplifying expectations is not failure; it’s healthy.
6. Seek Support—You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Feeling isolated is common for people who love someone with a drinking or drug problem—especially during the holidays when others seem joyful and carefree.
Support matters. Consider these options (maybe more than one):
Therapy
Al-Anon or SMART Family & Friends
Talking openly with a trusted friend
Joining online support communities for families affected by addiction
Reaching out isn’t a betrayal of your loved one. It’s a lifeline for you.
7. Release Unrealistic Holiday Expectations
When you have a loved one with a substance use disorder, you may grieve the holiday season you wish you could have. It’s okay to acknowledge that grief.
Letting go of expectations creates room for a more grounded and authentic holiday—one that honors your reality and your emotional needs.
Final Thoughts: Your Well-Being Matters, Too
Supporting someone with a drinking or drug problem during the holidays can be incredibly emotionally draining. But you deserve care, rest, boundaries, and connection just as much as anyone else.
This season, allow yourself to:
Protect your peace
Step away when needed
Set limits
Prioritize your mental health
Ask for help
Let go of guilt
You cannot control someone else’s addiction—but you can nurture your own wellbeing.
About the Author
Reagan Glover, MS, LMFT is uniquely qualified to support friends and family members of alcoholics and addicts. She has been licensed for over 12 years and grew up in the chaos of an alcoholic family. The experience, strength and hope of her Alanon program is something that she offers along with her years in the field to teens, adults, parents and couples. If you are looking for a therapist in Scotts Valley, Aptos or via telehealth in California, reach out to her via her website today: www.reaganglovermft.com
The Holidays Can Be Wonderful— AND Overwhelming
The holiday season often brings joy, connection, and celebration—but for many, it also brings stress, exhaustion, and the pressure to make everything perfect. Between family gatherings, school events, financial strain, and the emotional weight of expectations, it’s easy to lose yourself in the chaos.
If you’ve ever found yourself counting down the days until it’s over, you’re not alone. As a therapist, I often remind clients that it’s okay to step back, breathe, and give yourself permission to care for your own well-being.
How Gratitude Helps You Stay Grounded
Gratitude is more than just saying “thank you.” It’s a practice that trains your brain to notice what’s going right—even in the middle of holiday overwhelm. Research shows that gratitude can lower stress hormones, improve sleep, and boost overall mood.
Here are a few simple ways to integrate gratitude into your daily life during the holidays:
Start a daily gratitude list. Write down three small things each morning that make you smile—like your child’s laughter, a warm cup of coffee, or five quiet minutes alone.
Share gratitude as a family. During meals or bedtime, take turns sharing something you’re thankful for. It builds connection and helps kids learn emotional awareness.
Pause before reacting. When holiday stress builds, take a deep breath and mentally name one thing you’re grateful for. It’s a powerful reset in moments of frustration.
Self-Care Isn’t Selfish
Many moms and parents tell me they feel guilty taking time for themselves during the holidays. But here’s the truth: self-care is not indulgent—it’s essential. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and your emotional energy directly impacts your family’s well-being.
Consider incorporating small, intentional acts of self-care this season:
Simplify your commitments. Say no to one event or task that drains you.
Build in quiet moments. Even 10 minutes of journaling, stretching, or listening to calming music can lower stress.
Ask for help. Let someone else handle a chore, meal, or errand—it’s a gift to both of you.
Set digital boundaries. Turn off notifications or social media for an evening to truly rest and recharge.
When you prioritize your needs, you’re modeling healthy boundaries and emotional regulation for your children.
Combining Gratitude and Self-Care for Holiday Balance
The most effective way to stay sane this holiday season is to blend gratitude and self-care together.
For example:
After a stressful day, write a quick gratitude note to yourself for showing up anyway.
During family chaos, pause and breathe deeply, noticing one small thing that brings you joy.
Create a “gratitude jar” with your kids—fill it with daily notes of appreciation and read them together on the holiday you choose. We are currently doing this in my house to read together on Thanksgiving Day!
These practices shift your focus from doing to being—from striving for perfection to embracing presence.
Final Thoughts
The holidays will never be perfectly calm or completely stress-free, but they can be meaningful and manageable when you approach them with gratitude and self-compassion.
Remember: you deserve to enjoy this season, too.
Start small. Slow down. Notice the good.
That’s how you stay grounded, grateful, and sane through the holiday season.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Reagan Glover, LMFT is a therapist serving clients in Scotts Valley, Aptos and via telehealth throughout California. If you are interested in learning about how you can seek support with Reagan either now or after the new year, visit www.reaganglovermft.com and fill out an inquiry. There’s never been a better time to focus on your own well-being.
The Power of Emotional Regulation: Why Our Kids Need Us to Do the Inner Work First
I often hear parents say things like, “I just want my kids to handle their emotions better,” or “I wish my child could calm down instead of melting down.”
What many parents don’t realize is that the foundation for a child’s emotional well-being begins with our own emotional regulation. Before a child’s brain is fully developed or has tools to manage big feelings, they borrow our nervous systems.
When we stay steady during our child’s emotional storms—whether that’s a tantrum, defiance, or tears—we’re not just surviving the moment. If we learn to frame it this way, it’s actually an opportunity. We’re teaching self-regulation through our calm and accepting presence, the power of connection and modeling that it’s possible for them too.
Why Emotional Regulation in Parents Matters
Emotional regulation for parents isn’t about being calm all the time. It’s about understanding your emotions, noticing what’s happening in your body, and choosing how to respond—especially under stress.
When we practice this kind of awareness, we:
Model healthy coping skills instead of reactive behavior.
Stay emotionally available when our kids are struggling.
Create an atmosphere of safety and connection at home.
Build resilience and trust in our relationships.
Children raised in emotionally safe homes often develop stronger emotional intelligence, better communication, and greater problem-solving skills—traits that support them for life.
The Hard Truth: Regulation Takes Practice
Let’s be honest parenting is hard work. When you’re juggling exhaustion, stress, and your child’s big emotions, it can be difficult to stay grounded. Many of us grew up without good models of emotional regulation, so we’re learning these skills as adults while simultaneously trying to teach them to our kids.
That’s why I tell parents in both individual and couples sessions: learning emotional regulation isn’t just a parenting strategy—it’s a healing journey.
It’s about slowing down instead of reacting, noticing when your body is tense or flooded, and offering yourself compassion instead of criticism.
Practical Ways to Strengthen Emotional Regulation as a Parent:
Notice your triggers. Reflect on what moments or behaviors push your buttons the most. Awareness helps you interrupt the cycle.
Pause before reacting. Even one deep breath can shift your nervous system and give you space to respond instead of react. As Jefferson Fisher says, “Let your first word be your breath.”
Name your emotions. Try saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now.” Naming emotions decreases their intensity.
Repair after conflict. When you lose your temper (and you will because you are human), circle back with your child. Apologizing shows accountability and safety. It also teaches them they can do the same thing.
Prioritize your own self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Rest, connection, movement, and therapy all support your ability to stay grounded.
The Ripple Effect of Regulated Parenting
When parents learn to regulate their emotions, it changes everything—how we communicate, how conflict unfolds, and how our children experience love and safety.
Every time you take a deep breath instead of reacting, or repair after a hard moment, you’re teaching your child what emotional safety feels like. Those moments build trust and strengthen your connection.
Remember: it’s never too late to begin. Emotional regulation is a skill you can learn, and one that can transform your entire family system.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Reagan Glover, LMFT sees clients in her offices both in Scotts Valley and Aptos, as well as via telehealth (throughout California). She has been married for over 25 years and is a parent of a neurodivergent child. She integrates her personal healing journey of growing up in an alcoholic family and the tools she has learned in her own recovery. If you’re ready to explore this work of learning emotional regulation more deeply, reach out on her website at: reaganglovermft.com. She is more than willing to support you either individually or as a couple to help you identify your triggers, build new coping tools, and create a calmer, more connected home.
Parenting Burnout: Finding Your Way Back to Calm and Connection
It all begins with an idea.
Parenting can be one of the most meaningful and rewarding experiences in life — but it can also be exhausting. Many parents, especially those raising school-age or neurodivergent children, find themselves feeling drained, overwhelmed, and disconnected from themselves. This experience is often called parenting burnout, and you are not alone if you’ve been feeling it.
As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in California, I work with parents who feel stuck in survival mode and are longing for balance, support, and hope.
What Is Parenting Burnout?
Parenting burnout is more than just being tired. It’s a chronic state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion that can make it difficult to show up as the parent you want to be. Common signs include:
Feeling irritable or short-tempered with your children or partner
Trouble sleeping, or never feeling rested
Guilt for needing time away from your family
Feeling disconnected from joy, hobbies, or your sense of self
Questioning whether you’re “good enough” as a parent
Burnout often comes from trying to do it all without enough rest, support, or self-compassion.
Why Self-Care Isn’t Selfish
Many parents tell me they feel guilty when they take time for themselves. But the truth is, caring for yourself is an essential part of caring for your family. As the saying goes you cannot pour from an empty cup and a depleted parent can’t give from a place of warmth and patience.
Simple practices that help:
Taking five minutes for deep breathing before transitions
Saying “no” to extra commitments that stretch you too thin
Reaching out for support — whether from friends, family, or therapy
Remembering that rest is productive
How Therapy Can Help Parents Facing Burnout
In therapy, you don’t have to carry the weight alone. Together, we can:
Explore the root causes of your burnout
Learn tools to regulate stress and calm your nervous system
Build healthier boundaries around time and energy
Reconnect with your identity outside of parenting
Strengthen your ability to show up with compassion for yourself and your children
I work with parents throughout California, and in person in Scotts Valley and Aptos, to help them find relief, regain balance, and feel more grounded in daily life.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If you’re noticing signs of burnout, know that you are not failing — you are simply human. Support is available. If you’re ready to begin easing the weight of parenting burnout, I’d be honored to walk alongside you.
📍 I offer in-person sessions in Scotts Valley, CA, and Aptos, CA, as well as secure online therapy for clients throughout California. Give me a call at (831) 460-2550 x4. I offer free 15 phone consultations to see if we are a good fit.
✨ You deserve care, too. Taking the first step toward support can help you reclaim calm, joy, and connection — for yourself and your family.
When Drinking to Cope with Parenting Stress Becomes Something More
It all begins with an idea.
The Glass of Wine That Promises Relief
Parenting is exhausting, and it’s common for both moms and dads to turn to wine or alcohol to cope with parenting stress. That evening beer or glass of wine can feel like the only way to relax after long days of school runs, homework, sporting events and endless adulting.
But when does “mom wine culture” or “just one drink” cross over into something that starts to affect your physical health, mood, or overall family life?
Signs Drinking May Be Becoming a Problem
It’s not always easy to see when alcohol use shifts from stress relief into something that deserves attention. Some signs include:
Increased reliance: Using alcohol more and more to cope with stress.
More than intended: Drinking more than planned or struggling to cut back.
Emotional reliance: Feeling irritable, restless, or anxious without it.
Impact on family life: Less energy, patience, or focus with your kids.
Hidden habit: Hiding or downplaying your drinking from others.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many parents who feel overwhelmed find themselves leaning on alcohol—and it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means it might be time to find support outside yourself if this pattern is going to change.
How Therapy Can Help Parents Who Are Drinking to Cope
Support doesn’t mean you have to quit alcohol altogether. Therapy is a safe, compassionate space to explore your relationship with drinking and stress. Together, we can:
Discover healthy coping tools for parenting stress
Build strategies for balance, rest, and patience
Explore whether making changes in alcohol use could help you feel more like yourself
You’re Not Alone—Support Is Available
If you’ve noticed that alcohol has become more of a habit than a choice, therapy can help. I specialize in supporting moms, parents, and caregivers who are stressed, burned out, or questioning their relationship with alcohol.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Reagan Glover, MS, LMFT (She/Her) provides therapy to individuals and couples in-person in both Aptos and Scotts Valley, as well as via telehealth throughout California. If you are interested in learning more about starting therapy, checkout her website at www.reaganglovermft.com or call for a free phone consultation at (831) 460-2550 x4. Reagan has worked with people exploring their relationship with alcohol, as well as those identifying as addicts and alcoholics for more than a decade.